Mother's Day

Growing up, I always attempted to make something special for Mother’s Day. I would write a letter or make something with my hands. My Mom always seemed to treasure these gifts that were made with my hands and my heart. I am embarrassed to say that now that I have moved away and have my own family, I have grown out of the habit of demonstrating my appreciation for my mom. However, this is not to say , that I appreciate her or love her any less. This year, I am 7000+miles away from her but my mind is focused on her and this special day. I thought I would do something different this year and send a message to her on my blog.

Mom,
You were my first example of love that I witnessed on this earth. Your selfless sacrifice was demonstrated to me and my siblings, growing up. Now, you demonstrate that sacrificial love to your grandchildren, who love you with all their heart.

Mom, thank you for all that you have done for me as I grew up. Thank you for the love that you gave/give to me so freely, even when I did not deserve it. Do you remember a time; I must have been about 10 years old, when you found a hastily scribbled note that I wrote in anger some time before? The note said “I hate you Mom and I mean it!!!” After all these year, I still remember the look of hurt in your eyes as your read my thoughtless gibberish. Mom, I am sorry for the pain that I have caused you over the years. I am sure that you were disappointed in me more times than I care to remember. Even disappointed, you remained supportive of me as a person and loved me through it.

I would imagine there are times when you wonder why I am serving in the Air Force, with the constant moving, the deployments, and the danger. I believe I am serving my country in this capacity because of my need to serve and sacrifice for the good of others. You taught me about service and sacrifice. You taught me that by your example. You showed me service when you made meals for the neighbors when they were sick or alone during the holidays. You showed me sacrifice when you made sure that we had what we needed, never once thinking about what you needed.

Mom, thank you for your example and your sacrifice to me and so many others.

I love you, Mom. Happy Mother’s Day.

Your son,

Mark

My First Post

Greetings from Baghdad, Iraq. I have been here since 1 Apr 2007. I am stationed within the “heavily fortified” Green/International Zone. This is my first time in Iraq. While exciting, it is also very frightening. War is not a place to become comfortable. Since landing here, I have had to come to grips with the being in an unsafe environment. Please understand, I am within the IZ and it is “safer” than many, if not all, the other places in Iraq. But, it is far from being as safe as even the most violent place in the US. With that said, there are Americans, Iraqis and Foreign Nationals that I stand in awe of. For they spend their lives “outside the wire”, with the clear and present danger all around them daily. They are my some of my heroes. They accept the danger and embrace it.
I, however, have not been able to demonstrate this courage. Let me explain. I have done some pretty stupid things as I have matured. I have never been really hurt. For example, ashamedly, I have driven a vehicle while being further from sober than I care to remember. When I was 19 yrs old, I thought it would be cool to start a fire with gasoline. It turns out that gasoline works a little too well. I have sped in a blinding snow storm while trying to get home from college as fast as I could. I have owned and ridden a motorcycle. Until recently, I was not a fan of the seatbelt. Although not Evil Knievel, I have taken my fair share of chances in this life. As I have matured, gotten married and become a father, I have gradually let go of this risk taking behavior.
Today, I do not consider myself a risk taker. I routinely place my seatbelt around me. I have sold my motorcycle, years ago. I have slowed down on the highways (although my wife would probably differ with this). As I have identified unsafe practices in my life, I have attempted to get rid of them before they did damage to my body. Because of this I have felt safe.
This brings me to today. I am in Iraq. A war zone. The most dangerous place in the world. There is nothing I can do to rid myself of the danger around me. I could be the safest soldier in the war and I could be sleeping at night and have a mortar or rocket hit my quarters and I am dead. End of the story.
I have had to come grips with the fact that I am not “safe”. Moreover, I have learned that I have never been “safe.” I was under the misguided allusion that by ridding my life of all these risk taking behaviors, I was making my life safer. When in reality, a drunk driver could run a stop sign and plow into me in the blink of an eye. I could have a heart attack and move on to the next life in an instant. Or I could go to sleep tonight in Iraq and a mortar could take my life.
What I have come to realize is that before I left I was just fooling myself into thinking that I was being “safe.” I believed somehow, by doing the right thing or not doing the wrong thing, I had control over my safety. In Iraq, I am faced with the reality that no matter what I do, I cannot control my own safety. I have come to realize that life on this earth is unsafe, whether in the US or Iraq, and not guaranteed. I are here for a short time and that I need to be ready for movement into the next life and a day to day, minute by minute basis. No one knows when his /her safety will fail. Are you ready??